Script by Eric
MONK: Here's what happened: you were in the middle of a very messy, very expensive divorce and you wanted to get rid of your wife.
GILDAY: That is absurd. Do I have to listen to this?
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Yes you do.
MONK: What you needed is an alibi. First you ordered a two-ton slab of marble. Then you went to work. But you weren't sculpting just another statue. You were sculpting an alibi. A perfect alibi. You had it all worked out down to the last detail.
POWELL: Hold it! Hold it! Don't say another word.
LT DISHER: Excuse me. Sir, this is a private conversation.
POWELL: Yeah. This conversation's over, unless you want to talk to me, but I cannot promise that I would listen, detective.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: And you are?
POWELL: I'm Harrison Powell. I'm Mr. Gilday's attorney. I just moved up from Los Angeles. And you must be Mr. Adrian Monk. I saw your profile on InFocus. Very impressive.
MONK: Thank you. Thank you. I was just explaining...
POWELL: Yeah, why don't you tell it to the judge. We're denying everything, categorically. OK? Have a nice day. Come on, Evan. Let's go. You look like a man who could use a drink. Evan, let's go. They can't keep you here. It's OK.
GILDAY: Harrison, it's too late. They know everything. They've all of this evidence against me.
POWELL: No, they have no evidence against you. They have nothing. OK? You're an innocent man that's been unjustly accused. And I'm gonna prove all that when we get to court.
GILDAY: Harrison, it's Adrian Monk. He's never lost a case in his life.
POWELL: Well, neither have I. This will be great.
SECTION 2 (2:30)
MONK: Good morning.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Hey! And in this corner, District Attorney Charles Freeken. How you feelin', champ?
FREEKEN: Are you guys ready? Did you all do your homework?
LT DISHER: Charlie, relax. We've testified at a hundred trials.
MONK: A hundred and twelve.
FREEKEN: Well, I'm just making sure. Now, did everyone review the grand jury transcripts and the follow-up reports?
MS. HIGGER: Mr. Freeken, don't worry. They can do this in their sleep.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: In fact, on at least two occasions Lt. Disher has.
FREEKEN: Well, nobody's sleeping today. Harrison Powell is the Prince of Darkness. So be careful up there. Don't volunteer anything. If you don't remember something, just say you don't remember.
WOMAN: He's guilty, right?
FREEKEN: So was O.J.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Hey, speak of the devil.
POWELL: The devil appears. Gentlemen, Ms. Higger.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Mr. Gilday, that's a nice suit. I wonder how you'll look in pinstripes.
FREEKEN: Harrison, my offer is still on the table. This is your last chance.
POWELL: This is my final offer to you. You drop the case, make a public apology to my client. You save the taxpayers a lot of money. I'm offering you a gift, Charlie. You can keep the police from looking like chimpanzees with guns. OK, I'll see you all inside – under oath this time.
MS. HIGGER: And I hate you.
LT DISHER: Chimpanzees with guns.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Charlie, don't sweat it.
FREEKEN: But...
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: But don't talk.
SECTION 3 (3:43)
FREEKEN: Capt. Stotlemeyer, could you describe the events of October 2nd for the jury?
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Yes sir. Approximately 8 a.m. my team and I responded to a suspicious death call at 104 Pickens Drive. The housekeeper had discovered the body.
FREEKEN: Who had died?
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Nancy Gilday.
FLASHBACK
MS. HIGGER: Nancy Gilday – I was just reading about her. She was married to that famous artist.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Evan Gilday. They were separated – very separated. I guess these are some of his.
MONK: Ah, this is amazing. Look at that. It's perfect!
MS. HIGGER: Mr. Monk, that's a display stand. The art is out here.
MONK: Ah, well that's junk.
LT DISHER: Well, Naomi says she's been dead about 12 hours.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Um-hmm, so that's about eight o'clock last night.
LT DISHER: Yes sir. Looks like a straight up break in. Punch a hole through this window. Opens the door from the inside. She wakes up. They fight. He takes that statue from here, hits her once. Base of the skull – medula oblongata. Killed her instantly.
MONK: Nah, I don't think so. That hole's pretty small. I don't think anyone could fit their hand through there.
LT DISHER: Sure they could.
OUT OF FLASHBACK
FREEKEN: And did you determine whether Monk was right?
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Yes sir. Lt. Disher ran a field test to be certain.
BACK IN FLASHBACK
LT DISHER: [Groans]
OUT OF FLASHBACK
JUDGE: Excuse me. I'm sorry to interrupt. I saw Lt. Disher in the hall before the trial. I couldn't help but notice both of his hands were bandaged.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Yes, ma'am. He wanted to be sure, so he tried it again with the other arm.
JUDGE: He tried it again?
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: He's very thorough.
SECTION 4 (5:28)
MS. HIGGER: [Hiccups] I'm sorry.
LT DISHER: Oh, my god.
MS. HIGGER: I can't help it.
LT DISHER: Drink some water.
MS. HIGGER: I tried. It's not working. Maybe if you scared me.
MONK: Natalie, if you hiccup again I'm gonna to take Randy's gun and shoot you.
MS. HIGGER: That worked.
MONK: You're welcome.
LT DISHER: Well. No way! Rudy? Hey, Rudy! Rudy! Hey, this is Rudy Smith from the Big Buddy program. I used to be his mentor. Hey man, how're you doin'? You know, I was just thinkin' about you. This kid was trouble with a capital T back in the day. Hey, remember how we met?
RUDY: He caught me spray painting.
LT DISHER: Yeah, oh, yeah – I caught him spray painting police cars. Made him work it off five days a week for a month. Huh? A little bit of tough love? Whatcha doin' here? You a lawyer now? A little Doogie Howser thing goin' on?
DETECTIVE: Smith, let's go. The van's downstairs. Let's go.
LT DISHER: Wait, detective! Hey, wait, detective! What did he do?
DETECTIVE: He robbed a store and killed a clerk. Murder 1. Let's go.
SECTION 5 (6:55)
FREEKEN: Captain, when did you first suspect Evan Gilday was responsible for his wife's murder.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Well, actually, that was Adrian Monk. You see, um, Monk was looking around at the art, the victim's house, and he noticed something.
FLASHBACK
MONK: He hit her with this?
LT DISHER: Apparently.
MONK: Why didn't he use this one? The fight started here. I woulda grabbed this. It's heavy enough. It would have been perfect. Instead he crossed all the way over there.
MS. HIGGINS: “E.G.” Evan Gilday.
OUT OF FLASHBACK
CAPT STOTLEMEYER:So Monk figured Mr. Gilday, not wanting to destroy one of his own pieces of art, grabbed the other statue.
FREEKEN: And that's when you began to focus on the defendant.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: Yes sir, that's correct.
FREEKEN: Thank you, Captain.
CAPT STOTLEMEYER: You're welcome.
FREEKEN: Your witness.