Script by Eric
SECTION 1 (0:01)
DISHER: Did you kill that woman, Rudy?
RUDY: Randy, I swear. I didn't do it.
SECTION 2 (0:13)
JUDGE: Is there a problem with the microphone?
MONK: There is a small kink in the microphone, Your Honor. You'll thank me later. There it is. You're welcome!
POWELL: Mr. Monk, I'm sure you're aware that in this court we've had not one, not two, but three art experts. They have all examined this sculpture. They've all agreed that it would take at least 12 hours to sculpt a piece like this.
MONK: That's true. At first it looked like the perfect alibi.
FLASHBACK (1:08)
HIGGER: All right, is that better?
MONK: Thank you.
DISHER: Mr. Gilday, how do we know when you sculpted this. I mean, it could have been last week.
STOTLEMEYER: Or last year.
GILDAY: Here's how you know. She was carved from a two-ton slab of Belgian gray marble that was delivered yesterday at 5 p.m. Here's the receipt. You can call the quarry yourself.
MONK: How do we know this is the same slab of Belgian gray marble? You could have sculpted the the the the the...
HIGGER: Nude.
MONK: ...the nude statue out of a different slab. And when that marble was delivered yesterday all you had to do was hide it.
GILDAY: Hide it? You think I hid a two-ton slab of marble? That's fantastic! Where is it, Detective? Is it underneath the couch?
LATER IN THE FLASHBACK (2:04)
STOTLEMEYER: Thank you very much for your time, Mr. Gilday. I'm sorry about your wife.
DISHER: You understand we always have to speak to the husband, especially in a case like this.
GILDAY: Of course.
MONK: Clock.
GILDAY: Excuse me?
MONK: The clock in your studio is 20 minutes slow. And that popsicle that's half-melted – so your freezer must have been off for awhile. You blew a fuse.
GILDAY: Fuse. Wait, you're right. I remember: I was plugging in my coffee maker...
MONK: No. No, no, no, no. No, it wasn't a coffee maker. You were using something much bigger. There's a heavy duty extension cord in there and it is the only thing in your studio not covered with dust. You were using some kind of tool. A jackhammer. You killed her. You drove back here this morning. You chopped up all of the marble with the jackhammer before Sgt. Kearney arrived. It woudn't have taken you more than an hour.
GILDAY: I chopped it all up.
STOTLEMEYER: You're in the middle of nowhere. Nobody would've heard you.
GILDAY: And then what? Where did I put it? Two tons of marble. Oh, oh – maybe I ate it.
MONK: No, no – you didn't eat it. We're standing on it.
OUT OF FLASHBACK (3:52)
POWELL: And he took the two tons of marble and he spread it across his driveway.
MONK: That's right.
POWELL: And you're a detective, Mr. Monk. You're not a science fiction writer?
MONK: No, I am not a writer.
POWELL: That's too bad. I think you might've missed your calling, Mr. Monk.
FREEKEN: Objection, Your Honor. Argumentative.
JUDGE: Sustained.
POWELL: Let's bring it in. Your Honor, I would like to introduce to the court Defense Exhibit B. This is a sample of the gravel taken from my client's driveway. Now, Mr. Monk, if what you're saying is correct, then all of these pieces could have come from the same slab. Therefore they should all fit together like a giant jigsaw puzzle. Isn't that right?
MONK: In theory.
POWELL: In theory? You want to send my client to jail for the rest of his life on a theory?
MONK: No, wait. Nah, not. I misspoke. It's not a theory. It's what happened, OK? He's the guy.
POWELL: OK, well let's see if you're right. Let's see if this piece matches this piece. Do these two go together? No. How about this one? Nope. How about this one? No. How about this one?
HIGGER: Objection!
JUDGE: Order in this court! Who is that woman?
POWELL: That woman, Your Honor, is the witness's nurse.
MONK: No she is not my nurse! Your Honor, she is my assistant. My nurse left five years ago.
POWELL: Well, we're all very sorry to hear about that, Mr. Monk.
MONK: Objection!
JUDGE: To what?
MONK: To what I said.
JUDGE: Mr. Monk, you are testifying. You cannot object to your own testimony.
POWELL: Why do you need a nurse, Mr. Monk?
FREEKEN: Objection! Immaterial.
POWELL: Mr. Monk said he needed a nurse.
JUDGE: I'll allow it. Answer the question..
MONK: I had a breakdown ten years ago after the death of my wife.
POWELL: That was the same time you left the police force, correct? Could you please explain to us the exact circumstances of your departure from the police force?
MONK: Psychiatric discharge.
POWELL: I can't hear you, Mr. Monk.
MONK: It was a psychiatric discharge.
POWELL: We're all very sorry for your loss, Detective Monk...excuse me: former Detective Monk. Former Detective Monk, I'm sure you would do anything to impress the commissioner to get your badge back.
FREEKEN: Objection! Mr. Monk is not on trial.
POWELL: It establishes credibility, Your Honor.
JUDGE: Overruled.
POWELL: Former Detective Monk, isn't it true that the only way you could get reinstated is to be appearing to be solving a high profile case, a high profile case just like this one?
MONK: Appearing to solve? No, I did not appear to solve anything. I solved the case. I solved it. He's the guy. He is the guy. He chopped it all up with a jackhammer.
POWELL: Where is the jackhammer?
MONK: He had all morning to get rid of it. Look, it's so obvious. And these pieces do fit together. I'll show you, OK? Here, look. This one goes with this one. OK. Wait a second. All right, look. Hold that one. Or this one...not that one. This...that one. Not that one.
SECTION 3 (7:32)
JUDGE: How do you find the defendant?
JURY FOREMAN: We find the defendant not guilty.
SECTION 4 (8:00)
This verdict isn't going to bring Nancy back. Nothing could do that. But it did restore my faith in the American legal system. It's the best legal system in the world. At least it was today.