Script by Eric
http://www.youtube.com/watch?
JERRY: Speaking of having it all. Where were you?
GEORGE: I went to the beach.
JERRY: Oh, the beach!
GEORGE: It's not working, Jerry. It's just not working.
JERRY: What is it that isn't working?
GEORGE: Why did it all turn out like this for me? I had so much promise. I was personable. I was bright – maybe not academically speaking. I was perceptive. I'd always know when someone's uncomfortable at a party.
JERRY [to Elaine]: Can I have a napkin over here?
GEORGE: It all became very clear to me sitting out there today that every decision I've ever made in my entire life has been wrong. My life is the complete opposite of everything I want it to be. Every instinct I have in every aspect of life, be it something to where, something to eat – it's all been wrong.
WAITRESS: Tuna on toast, coleslaw, cup of coffee.
GEORGE: Yeah. No, no, no. Wait a minute. I always have tuna on toast. Nothing's ever worked out for me with tuna on toast. I want the complete opposite of tuna on toast. Chicken salad, on rye, untoasted, with a side of potato salad and a cup of tea!
ELAINE: Well, there's no telling what could happen from this.
JERRY: You know, chicken salad is not the opposite of tuna. Salmon's the opposite of tuna, 'cause salmon swim against the current and the tuna swim with it.
GEORGE: Good for the tuna.
ELAINE: Uh, George. You know, that woman just looked at you.
GEORGE: So what? What am I supposed to do?
ELAINE: Go talk to her!
GEORGE: Elaine, bald men with no jobs and no money who live with their parents don't approach strange women.
JERRY: Well, here's your chance to try the opposite. Instead of tuna salad and being intimidated by women, chicken salad and going right up to 'em.
GEORGE: Yeah. I should do the opposite, I should.
JERRY: If every instinct you have is wrong, then the opposite would have to be right.
GEORGE: Yes. I would do the opposite. I used to sit here and do nothing and regret it for the rest of the day. So now I will do the opposite and I will do something.
[George walks up to the counter}
GEORGE: Excuse me, uh, I couldn't help but notice that you were looking in my direction.
WOMAN: Oh, yes, I was. You just ordered the same exact lunch as me.
GEORGE: My name is George. I'm unemployed and I live with my parents.
WOMAN: I'm Victoria. Hi!