LETTERMAN: Thank you very much for being on the program again. You know, it's been three years since the last time you've been on the show, and I will justsay right off the top here, you look different than I remember you. You've got a nice beard going and –
PHOENIX: Oh, yeah, thank you.
LETTERMAN: How is that – the beard?
PHOENIX: In what way?
LETTERMAN: Well, is it comfortable? Is it itchy? Is it – are you pleased with it?
PHOENIX: [GARBLED]
LETTERMAN: I'm sorry. I'm making you feel weird about it?
PHOENIX: Is there something wrong?
LETTERMAN: I can't be the first one to make you feel weird about it.
PHOENIX: No, I guess not.
LETTERMAN: See, that's what I'm talking about. Are you doing a lot of this [makes a scratching gesture]?
PHOENIX: That's just a nervous tic, I think.
LETTERMAN: Oh, just a nervous tic. You know, I saw this – I saw this movie the other night. Tremendous. What a tremendous film. You and – who else is in it? What's her name? Beautiful, lovely Gwyneth Paltrow.
PHOENIX: Oh, yeah. Gyneth Paltrow, Vanessa Shaw.
LETTERMAN: Very nice movie, and you don't see movies like this much anymore, and I'm so gratified to see it. And you were terrrific in the film. I really enjoyed your work.
PHOENIX: Thank you.
LETTERMAN: What can you tell us about your days with the Unabomber?
LETTERMAN: So here's my hope that after some time off – and I think you're taking a little time off tonight – I'm hopeful that you will reconsider and come back to acting because you're just, you know, nobody really better than you are.
LETTERMAN: Joaquin, what will you, what will you do now?
PHOENIX: Well, I've been working on my music.
LETTERMAN: Your music? But, you know, when I saw you in Walk the Line, I said, this guy is tremendous. He's singing, and it sounded great. So is that the kind of music you're interested in?
PHOENIX: No, no, I do more of hip-hop music.
LETTERMAN: Hip-hop music.
PHOENIX: Is that a joke? What do you have them on?
LETTERMAN: I'm sorry?
PHOENIX: What do you gas them up with? Is this nitrous kicking around?
LETTERMAN: The kid in front is drunk on warm Pepsi.
LETTERMAN: Now Joaquin, I failed to mention also in the film is Isabella Rossolini, who plays – oddly enough – your mother. She's just tremendous. And you know about her mother, what a wonderful, beautiful actress she was as well. So that must have been fun working with Isabella Rossolini, don't you think?
PHOENIX: Yes.
LETTERMAN: Yeah.
PHOENIX: I did, yeah.
LETTERMAN: Do you have any fun stories to tell us?
LETTERMAN: Now when will we see the new music career. The new hip-hop career. When will we see that take off. When can we – because we want to be there.
PHOENIX: Well, I'd love to come on the show and perform. But I'm just – I'm working on it, you know.
LETTERMAN: You know, that seems unlikely. I'm just kidding.
PHOENIX: I've seen some of the other guests and I can't believe.
LETTERMAN: I know. You're right, sure. We'll certainly keep you in our Rolodex.
LETTERMAN: Can you, can you set up the clip for us, Joaquin?
PHOENIX: Are you serious? Does the maniacal laughter – I don't know what the clip is.
LETTERMAN: You don't know what the clip is? It's you and, maybe a scene with you and Gwyneth Paltrow.
PHOENIX: You're doing fine.
LETTERMAN: Or – thanks! – high praise coming from you.
PHOENIX: Is that really just an accident?
LETTERMAN: We're having fun.
PHOENIX: That's fun?
LETTERMAN: We're having fun. Just relax. Seriously. I'll come to your house and chew gum.
PHOENIX: All right, I don't have to chew gum.
LETTERMAN: Just relax.
PHOENIX: Really. I won't do it again.
LETTERMAN: And Joaquin, I'm sorry you couldn't be here tonight.
PHOENIX: He's funny. You're funny. He's a funny dude.
LETTERMAN: We owe an apology to Farah Fawcett.